Feeling uncomfortable

Is normal to try avoid the sensation of being uncomfortable, our brain try very hard against it and you may be tired (so am I) to hear people saying you have to leave your comfort zone to be successful or achieve something, but even when I don't agree with the way they present the comfort zone and success (let's talk about that later), I do agree there are benefits on challenging yourself and being uncomfortable from time to time and I would like you to rethink the discomfort in your life and give it a try, but not for the success or being a business owner, you can do it because is a good way to learn about yourself and others.

Today's picture is a dog representing my vibe this morning, we started a new morning routine that includes waking up at 6, working out, meditating and having some time for personal growth, I thought my soul wasn't ready for facing the day at 6 am but it ended up way better than expected, shout out to M for staying strong with me in this process.

I want to share a short story about the time I lose my fear of stages and speak in front of big crowds in the hardest possible way for the 19 years old me. Back in my uni days, I was part of a study group who organised big events, I was the youngest member and I was very excited to help to set everything and make it perfect, I didn't knew much about the speakers and I was very nervous about the entire event, it was my first one as an official member, all that pressure. It was already time to start the event but the host was not in the room, we waited and tell the attendees to wait for some minutes and he never came, so after long minutes of dealing with the anxiety I gathered all the courage I found in that stressful situation and I stepped up, welcomed everyone to the event, made a very short and poor introduction to the speakers and, as soon as I finished, the host came back, my adrenaline was skyrocketing and the harm was done.

The event was a success, the speakers where properly introduced before the question session, the host was concerned about the perception of the speakers and the attendees but at the end of the day it was just another event that ended up well and nobody truly remember, but for me was a cornerstone, the power I felt when I conquered that terrifying stage still lives with me and makes me chuckle when I remember the speakers gently faces noticing how scared and young I was.

Back then I wasn't aware of how important that experience was and how important is to step up to learn skills, from speaking in front of stages, to stand for your beliefs and to gain confidence, this is maybe the most important one for me, because every time I win one of those daily battles, it doesn't matter if they are big or small, I gain a "confidence point" and next time I have to deal with the situation I have the experience on my side and in perspective it feels way less scary or uncomfortable.

Also, the way I encounter uncomfortable situations is reminding myself "the fastest you deal with it, the fastest this discomfort will go away", by delaying the confrontation you are just extending the pain of think you have to deal with it but don't want it, have you ever left a single dish in the sink and it annoys you in the back of your head for ever and when you do it you notice you could have saved yourself that annoying reminder all this time? well, that is the idea, the sooner the better, but this doesn't mean just jump and encounter dangerous/risky or important situations without preparation, just to get over it, know where to do the faith jump is also important. At the end is a matter of realice it wasn't that bad or if it was bad, at least now it's over.

The question that remains open to me is, what is this discomfort saying about myself? a recent example is asking myself does the fact that I feel uncomfortable about bargain means something particular about me?

● Does it mean something apart from the idea that I just prefer to pay what is asked and move on? so, I value my time and efficiency of a transaction?

● Does this make me feel uncomfortable because I don't feel confident about my negotiation skills? so, there's room for improvement and I have some work to do?

● Does this mean I want to fully support business by paying for what they ask? so, do I value other people's business and work and I recognise their labour?

● Do I have cultural barriers I haven't overcome? so, what would have happen if I was born near any Turkish market where seems like is an expected part of any transaction to bargain even a little bit? would I be a different person if I had cultivated my negotiation skills from the very beginning of my life?

I don't think I can fully answer this because for every single discomfort I can try to find all the root causes and probably I would find very complex and intricate connections in the same way I did with the barging and I'm not fully able to disentangle the entire situation. What I can actually do with those questions is finding room for improvement and keep working to expand my own limits.

This probably will lead to new and renovated uncomfortable situations to keep exploring and growing. As I see it, this is a way better concept behind "leaving my comfort zone", one that is not rooted in those goals I'm not interested in such as "being your own boss" or "being successful" but rooted to a very particular one that's part of my essence, keep learning about myself and improving, one step at the time, one uncomfortable situation at a time.

Finally, is worth to mention that I'm not alone in this process, even when every tiny improvement is for me, I count with a great player #2 who encourages me and remind me that I want to do this and face the uncomfortable situations. We have this policy, that started as a way to tease each other, of "if that makes you feel uncomfortable, now you have to do it" and it's been a great experience because is a safe space to keep pushing and because having the support and your personal cheerleader/pushy-bully-significant-other makes the entire situation a learning experience and had helped us to know each other a bit better and to bond in very interesting ways.

I hope all this process was able to give you another perspective of how you can face uncomfortable situations for your own good, and how to use this as a tool to get to know more about people around you. Is possible to extend all this analysis for yourself and others if you take the time to start a conversation and make a safe space to explore the root causes behind other's people discomforts and to kindly tease each other a little bit during the process, please keep in mind that open up to others is hard and it should be a safe space, try not to cross the line with the teasing or you will ruin all the fun.

See you next time,

Annie

One last confession before you leave, when I'm very scared or stressed about facing any situation, my ultimate cope mechanism is take a deep breath and repeat to myself "attack!" and proceed to attack the situation. Is my own version of the "fuck it" of my friends and "bring it, hit it up" of M. At the end of the day, we all deal with our internal battles in personal ways, but we share ridiculous mantras to do it.