Year-End Cleaning Ritual

December is here and all the brands and influencers are in full swing with their end-of-year challenges, with the countdowns, the end of the year closings, the regrets of everything that was not done and the resolutions we forgot in February, and the reminders that once again we failed ourselves, we failed our "best version" and that we have a lot to do and there is no time. So I decided to join the end-of-the-year noise but to try to keep it down, to a minimum, and remind myself that it's good to stop following people who do not contribute to me, silence people who make me feel bad, block content with which I can't and don't want to deal with, and make social media a safe environment for me and only for me. All I want for Christmas is being kinder to myself and chill.

Today's picture is a cake that looks like a Tiramisu. This week I learned to do it in an attempt to stop feeling sad about the weather, the uncertainty, and the distance. It was a success.

For some coincidence in life (which surely is not a coincidence and most likely is a marketing trend that we have not noticed but it is everywhere and I am already a little paranoid but that is not the point) the message of "important things take time" and "be patient and wait " is everywhere. It is a friendly reminder that we can take it easy this end of the year and that we can join the end of the year challenge by purchasing this nice course subscription of "calm for the end of the year" and share these beautiful messages with our friends so that we are all patient and wait, and tag 3 friends to participate in the giveaway of the patience-an-optimism perfume for 2021.

Although at first glance this scenario doesn't seem too bad and everything could be worse, it makes me think about how difficult our relationship with social media is, and I am not just referring to the whole problem with privacy, marketing profiles and lifestyle that they want to sell you with good vibes and golden stars. It's the great impact it has on our mental health, the amount of noise there's around this matter and how helpless it makes me feel that I am part of the Matrix and I am not sure if I can disconnect (and if I want to). Doubts that keep me awake at night.

Some time ago I began to take some actions to improve the quality of life and well-being (greetings, Dr Laurie Santos) and among them one of the topics that stuck with me the most was paying attention to social media or as Mariana Matija says "Pay attention to my attention" (article in Spanish here) and now, two years after the first big content that made me feel bad purge, I can say with a little confidence that it has worked and the whole situation has improved but I have the discomfort of knowing that it never goes to be enough just stop following accounts on Instagram. But one step at a time.

I realised that indeed my social media profiles changed radically when most of the end-of-year messages that I have come across (so far) have made me feel a bit calm and I'm relieved with the reminder that everything I could and couldn't do this year was okay and was enough, that patience is still the priority in the midst of so much uncertainty and that it's okay not to be so hard on myself. But now, chill with the message a little bit, don't tell me to calm down.

I don't want to extend this much more than necessary, I had the idea to do a quick test to help you purge your social media and start the year how you want, how you can, how you manage to make it, how you can deal with it, but perhaps with a a little less annoying noise on social media and in the content you consume (news, podcasts, videos, social media, they all make this list).

1. ¿What kind of people and content do you follow?

a. Influencers, models, actors y famous people

b. Memes, people being their own bosses and people complaining about these people.

c. Diets, nutrition, trainers and sport people

d. News about the end of the world

e. All of the above

f. puppies videos, recipes, your friend's small business

g. Technology, art h. Others, a bit of everything

i. I don't know, I never thought about it

2. How do these people and this content make you feel? What do you think of all that news and content that you share? How do you feel after watching that training video at home with things you have on hand, the yacht trip of the model surrounded by 5 other spectacular women having the best time of their life and another infographic explaining how millionaires and successful people in the world get up at 5 am and that is why they are millionaires and successful?

a. Inadequate, because I wish I had willpower I could exercise and wake up at 5 am

b. Ugly, because I will never have a marked abdomen like that or the body of those models who dance and smile

c. Sad, because everyone's life is settled and I'm still not sure what I'm doing

d. Overwhelmed, because there are so many people doing things and sometimes I don't feel like getting out of bed and I just want to disappear

e. Uncomfortable, because I have so many good things in life and I'm complaining while so many people are having a much worse time than me

F. Stupid, for laughing at that meme instead of reading the fashionable book among intellectuals who share phrases and cups of coffee

g. Useless, for not having my business, not being in the 30 under 30s and not having any excuse

h. Alone, because everyone has beautiful lives, families, they have a partner and they have friends to play Among Us

i. All of the above

j. None of the above, I'm okay with that

k. All the accounts that I follow bring me joy. Thanks, Marie Kondo

l. I feel other things, mostly good

m. I feel other things, mostly bad

3. At what point do you decide to unfollow an account?

a. When they say something that bothers me too much

b. When they are spam

c. When they start to sell me things

d. When its content bores me

e. When they cancel her for something she did or said

f. When I feel like it because it is my profile and I am aware of who I pay attention to

g. I never unfollow accounts

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For me the answers two years ago were

• What kinds of people and content do you follow? All of the above, I follow all kinds of content that distracts me a bit or goes viral and shares dogs and I keep sharing them because I also want to share memes that my friends like.

• How do these people and this content make you feel? All of the above, most of the accounts that I follow remind me of how imperfect my life is and everything that I lack and I will never be able to have but I am not fully aware of that, I only feel a little down after opening Instagram, I'm constantly wanting to buy new stuff and I'm feeling like I need more.

• At what point do you decide to unfollow an account? I never unfollow accounts, the idea of being able to filter the content did't cross my mind, I got used to seeing those things on my social media and I just kept seeing them without questioning if I really liked it or if it was affecting me in any way, they were just there.

And the answers for now are MUCH MORE COMPLICATED, but life is complicated and taking care of my mental health is also complicated, so there are no easy answers, nor correct answers.

1. What kinds of people and content do they follow? Others, a bit of everything BUT with giant filters. For example:

• A nutrition account where they do not talk about diet culture and are certified professionals, really interested in nutritional information where they recognise that there are problems of fatphobia in the field, lack of access to real information and share content without guilt trips. Okay, I'm interested in seeing your opinion from time to time.

• Influencers ... who are more activists than influencers, who are aware of their own limitations and do not believe they know all the answers about everything, who are honest about their experiences and recognise that there is life outside of internet and have ideas that I find interesting and of which I do not know. Okay, I want to know more

• News where they focus on journalistic rigor, where they want to report and where they can give opinions and have many different voices but also taking into account the limitations they have, that their work is important and complicated and that the intention is not to create a hashtag everyday just to make noise. OK

2. How do these people and this content make you feel? It is complicated, they make me feel a bit of everything and the key is to recognise how I am feeling and decide what can I deal with.

• Recognise that some days I feel good and I can see news and exercise routines and people traveling and I can handle everything that is making me feel.

• Recognise that there are days where I am feeling lost or uncomfortable and I can't deal with people having projects and getting up at 5am and doing crossfit and maybe all I need or can handle is Korean street food videos or a podcast of people talking about food for 10 minutes and that's it.

• And other days where I can't recognise what I'm feeling, what the content I'm watching is making me feel, and the best thing I can do is give myself a break "just in case."

• The point of this is not to classify what makes me feel as good or bad and move on to the next question, the point of this is to realise that it is complicated and changes with time, changes with days, changes with hours and the best I can do is try to identify them and decide how much content I can and want to consume at the moment.

3. At what point do you decide to unfollow an account? When I feel like it because it is my profile and I am (a little more) aware of who I pay attention to. I became an expert at unfollowing, silencing, and blocking accounts without much hesitation. If there is something that is harmful and I realise it, I no longer question it and I do not question myself for feeling in any way, I unfollow them immediately and make sure that I am creating a safe space for myself. If at some point I realise that maybe I was wrong and it was not necessary to unfollow something, I simply follow it again and nothing happens. I promise you that the Instagram police will not say anything when you unfollow the influencer of homophobic and class jokes, neither the bathing suit model nor the journalist who spreads lies for having clicks.

What about the Year-End Cleaning Ritual?

Well, I don't have any year-end cleaning ritual but I would like you to take the time to unfollow accounts, many, as much as you can, all those that bother you even if it is a little, all those that make them feel some discomfort and all those that do not take you to a good place, whatever it may be.

There are still many questions and many ideas on this matter, there are many real sources of information where they discuss why we feel bad when we see people who are better than us in any way (our brains compare information all the time, this is how it works and because we cannot stop it, what we can do is put information to compare that is not as harmful) and how we can change that situation (informing ourselves, being more aware of the content we consume, paying attention to the things it make us feel and clean our sources of information constantly), but that is for another post.

Finally, I hope you have a happy holiday season, that you take care of those you love (and those that you do not love too, be responsible to your neighbours, communities, essential workers, everyone you come across), that you take great care of yourself physically and emotionally, I hope you can hug your loved ones soon, and I hope this post help start conversations about mental health. Finally I hope you feel safe in your body, mind and home. I send you a huge hug and a lot of peace of mind for 2021.

See you next time,

Annie.