F・r・i・e・n・d・s

Think seriously about friendship is very scary, being critic about the people you are surrounded by is one of the biggest changes you can make in life but is exhausting, nevertheless is a must-do in this path of self discovery and growth

Today's picture is a cup of coffee because I really needed it. The heat during night keep me awake and I finally gave up at 4 am and start typing here as a crazy unveiled person.

I heard or read ro receive telepathically the idea that we are the average of the 5 people we interact the most and the idea have been making me feel uncomfortable ever since. I don't want to think about the top 5 people I talk or interact the most (this is not MySpace, give me a break), I don't want to think if they are a good influence, inspiring or "the people you want to be surrounded by" but here I am, overthinking about my entire life, my friends and how did I end up thinking that I have amazing girl friends.

Being the average of 5 people

This idea is attributed to Jim Rohn, a motivational speaker I don't know anything about, and his quote is giving me anxiety and lots of questions I'm not sure how to answer, how are those 5 people influencing me? is there any way to avoid it or I just have to embrace it and deal with it? should I just start looking for brand new more entrepreneurial/fit/rich friends? should I just stop thinking about it and keep going with my life? what have you done, Jim?

How are those 5 people influencing me? probably the hardest question to answer, due the complexity of human relationships is hard to determine where do "I" start. Are they changing me by sending me dog memes? watching a movie together? by crossing some lines with their jokes? normalising their appearance/ideas/behaviours/laugh sound just by existing next to me? sharing their playlists? tagging me on instagram challenges? having either superficial or very deep conversations? (what does it mean to have deep conversations with your top 5 people? where is the line? uuugg)

If I start thinking about the daily interactions we have is very easy just to have an infinite list of "is this changing me in any way? is this good or bad? do I want this?" but I think is worth to take the time and effort to think hard about my top 5 because at the end of the day we share enough time together to make me want to make the most of it and be surrounded by good enough people.

The deepest and most compelling answer I found (after long hours or harassing my top 5 with my doubts and existencial crisis on Whatsapp and during dinner) is that by understanding how easy we normalise whatever we are surrounded by is easier to think critically and make decisions about our top 5 because we can leave our emotions on a side, at least for a little bit. And the process is far from easy to do but is easy to understand the ideas behind, if you want to focus in any specific aspect in life is easier if you are surrounded with like-minded people, i.e if you want to be fit is easier to be successful if your close friends are fit and you all are a #TeamFit #Gym #NoPainNoGain #LegDay, if you want to eat nice food regularly you can surround yourself with foodies, nutritionist, instagramers, lazy people who love eating out, etc. The process to find if your top 5 is the right one looks like

1. Find your core values, your deepest beliefs and principles

2. Filter them and prioritise by impact in your life

3. Analyse your top 5 deeply.. deeper... deeper... and create their profiles and identify their core values, deepest beliefs and principles

4. Answer some questions like do we share some core values? is any of their core values a "hard no" for me? Am I interested in learn about one or more of their interesting core values and re-think mine in the process? Do we share enough quality time to make all this process(torture) worth? Do I REALLY want to evaluate my relationships with others? Is there any easier less traumatic way to do this? Does Marie Kondo have a life hack for this? Why am I thinking about this in the first place?

5. Consider if they are aligned enough with you or if they are a good match for your life and keep cultivating that relationship or very slowly stop answering their texts and just share more incendiary content on instagram to make them angry and finally replace them with a better match

6. Have a next-level life with your new and renovated list of top 5

I've been trying for a very long time to find my core values, your deepest beliefs and principles and it's been way harder than expected, that's another discussion, but I have some basic questions to start. What do you appreciate the most in your life? peace? learning? financial independence and being your own boss? having a good and chill life? your pets? change the world? being a good person?

Wait, is even worse

It this idea is not stressing enough, I found this article where a social network scientist research about THE IMPACT OF YOUR ENTIRE NETWORK, this guy concludes "You’re not the average of the FIVE people you surround with. It’s way bigger than that. You’re the average of all the people who surround you. So take a look around and make sure you’re in the right surroundings." The nightmare.

Well, maybe there's no need to be that exhaustive and serious with the process, maybe is worth to start only with the inner work and identify your values, that would give you more than enough information to, at least, identify the big no no and the solid "okaaay, I kind of like this person", that could give you enough peace of mind to keep cultivating the relationships you want to bet for.

Did I make you feel uncomfortable with this ideas? welcome to my life, and thanks again, Jim! I hope this reflection about your top 5 could be a conversation starter with your top 5, hopefully you still choosing each other after all this mess.

See you next time,

Annie